Vigilante Consumerism!
Mission accomplished.
Not too much of an ordeal. Except for the detour into fabrics. I decided to buy a yard and a half of red striped ticking to recover the bolster on the family room couch. Optimism led me to think that a spiffy 'new' bolster could redeem the dumpster-dive pedigree of our couch and give it a look straight out of the Pottery Barn catalogue.

The first pass through the fabric department was hopeless - too many others waiting for the addled clerk. So I finished my grocery shopping and went back. Now the area was empty. No shoppers, no marginally alert sales associates. I rang the little bell. I waited. I waited some more. I picked up the unattended telephone, in hopes of reaching customer service. Customer service was busy. And busy. And busy.

How good of them to post instructions for use on the phones. Just pick up the receiver and hold down the button that says "PAGE." "Help in fabrics." "Help needed in fabrics." "Customer service in fabrics - PLEASE."* I now had a small crowd around me. None of whom were WalMart employees. I decided to page no more, lest I say something that would have me banned from WalMart for life.

Still no assistance. I picked up a scissors. I measured my fabric and cut. (I always wanted to use that counter with the scissors groove. Fun.) The instructions on the price gun were not as clear cut as the phone's. I gave up and wrote 1 1/2 yards @ 4.17/yd on a piece of paper, which I intended to take to Customer Service. At that point a clerk arrived. She was not terribly impressed one way or another with my self-service. But I handed her my ticking, told her I had cut my own and asked her to generate a price ticket. Because I am basically a law abiding, people pleaser, I put on a charmingly apologetic smile and gestured at the cart laden with $278 worth of groceries and said, "My frozen food was melting." She didn't care. She didn't even measure the cloth to verify the length.

Maybe tomorrow afternoon - after I have recovered and if the weather eases up on my knotty knuckles - I will work on the bolster.

*I sounded good. Crisp, clear, articulate. Obviously not an employee.