... she was quite simply the best mother in the world.
Today would have been my mother's 85th birthday.
This has been quite the busy day, so I'll just borrow from Prince Harry's tribute to his mum:

But what is far more important to us now, and into the future, is that we remember our mother as she would have wished to be remembered as she was: fun-loving, generous, down-to-earth, entirely genuine.

We both think of her every day.

We speak about her and laugh together at all the memories.

Put simply, she made us, and so many other people, happy. May this be the way that she is remembered.

Fighting Cancer with the Help of Your Catholic Faith
Our next big thing at work. Lorene Duquin, the author of this thorough, yet not intimidating, book will be speaking at our parish next month. Working on the publicity is a nice respite from the party preps at home.

Last week-end I broght the book home with me to start on some ideas.
Owing to the expansive imaginations of my family (not to mention the fact that Rick actually had cancer about ten years ago) I put a big sticky note on the cover - “MOM’S ; FOR WORK.” ‘Cause I never know what the kids will think. Not that I’d count on anyone looking twice if I were reading “Are You Overwhelmed?,” "Kick the Clutter!" or “The Exhaustion: Are You the Next Victim?”

Two Days...
until the #&*!@ Pirate Party^(tm) .
I'm feeling better. The doctor thought I had problems with my anti-hypertensives along with a bad case of voodoo curse and the "EXHAUSTION." There is nothing in the pharmacopeia to ameliorate the voodoo curse. (But seriously folks, there is a person I work with who does not like me and is having great difficulty hiding her disdain. I have a high threshhold for crap, but even my nerves are jangled...) My doctor is a working mother with school age children - I'm not going to bitch to her about the "EXHAUSTION." But I do have a Michael Moore-esque movie idea. Let's take the video camera with us while Rick drives me around to a series of ER's and tries to have me admitted for "EXHAUSTION." ( I have met some nurses who frequently must work double shifts. Their reactions would make good cinema!)

The house is coming along beautifully.
The new toilet seat is almost installed. I discoved a chip out of the 'paint' but I don't have the receipt nor the energy to try to exchange it (you know, the "EXHAUSTION"). With 48 hours to party time, minutes are too precious to use up in the customer service queue at Wal-Mart.

There are times when I am envious of my more prosperous acquaintances. But...when I hear about how they must entertain as part of their husband's business lives my life starts to look much better. More relaxed. More casual. More room for curling up with a book.

From Mister Teacher
A generic welcome back to school letter.

Dear parents/guardians/cousin Larry,
Welcome to the beginning of another super fantastic year! We are very excited to have your son/daughter/spawn in our class this year! We are looking forward to a year full of learning, growth, and development -- and hopefully NOT full of termites like last year. Whoops!
As a third grader, your child will be taking the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) for the first time. Except for Pietro, who's an old hand at the state standardized test. Here's hoping the 10th time's a charm, Pietro! But for most of the rest of your kids, they will learn firsthand this year about subjective exams and arbitrary passing rates!
It's going to be a challenging year for all of us, so we appreciate all your help. Here are a few friendly reminders to help us all get through the year:
• When you drop your kids off in the morning, be sure to actually stop the car before they get out
• Remember that school starts promptly at 8:00, and your child should be in his/her seat, ready to work when the bell rings. Please do NOT set your alarm clock for 7:55 and expect to get here in time for your child to have breakfast.
• Students are to come to school every day with at least one sharpened pencil. If you can afford a PS3 and WWE Pay-Per-Views every other weekend, I'm sure you can afford a couple of lousy pencils.
• Homework is to be done tonight it is assigned -- BY THE CHILDREN! We know that you mean well, but you're really not helping if you don't know your long division from your lines of symmetry. (You know who you are)
• Let's agree that a 2-pound bag of Hot Cheetos and a liter of Dr Pepper does not constitute a healthy lunch.
• Dogfighting, convenience store robbery, and "making it rain" will not be tolerated. In other words, don't let your child emulate a professional football player.
• Please make sure your son or daughter uses the restroom before they leave your home, and do not send them with a 2-gallon bottle of water. Once they are in the classroom, to paraphrase the current California Governator in Kindergarten Cop -- THERE IS NO BATHROOM!!

Let's make this a great year! Only you can prevent forest fires! They'll never take our freedom! Remember the Alamo! (Insert your own encouraging catchphrase here)!!
See you on Monday!
Sincerely,
Mister Teacher

Tinged with truth and woe, like most funny stuff. The part about stopping before dropping off hit home. When I was an aide at the primary school I loathed curb duty helping the little tots disembark from their vehicles. Doors would open before the cars stopped. Minivans would take off with the automatic sliding doors still open. The drivers yacked away on their cells while sipping their Starbucks. Thought I would loose my mind. Totally redefined the meaning of "longest semester of my life."

Bruce Springsteen announced Tuesday that he will tour this fall with the E Street Band for the first time in four years, including an Oct. 21 concert at the United Center.

Could be fun. But it can never again be October 2, '75 at the Uptown in Milwaukee. Like I told my dad, those tickets were a once in a lifetime chance.

Three Days...
until the #&*!@ Pirate Party^(tm) .
And I'm staying home sick. Not taking one of those fancy-schmancy paid sick days that other people get, but a day off coming out of my own pocket. The irony is...I really don't feel well. Not that it wouldn't be helpful to just take a day off to get my house in order. But, no, here I am weak as a parasite infested kitten and unmotivated to do anything but watch the chaos around me.

I do have a doctor's appointment around two-ish. Which I made a couple of weeks ago, re-scheduled at least once and now must keep. Wish I felt better - then it would be more like a field trip. Too bad I don't have a plethora of celebrity bad habits; then I could wish for a diagnosis of "EXHAUSTION." What average American mom wouldn't want to check in to the hospital with the "EXHAUSTION" a couple times each year? Alas, I think I will be told the throbbing head-ache is from allergies and that I also need some adjustment in my blood pressure meds. Something to bring me within the parameters of "Not sedated like a zombie; not ready to explode."

Four Days...
until the #&*!@ Pirate Party^(tm) .
Makes me think of my Dad and his fondness of quotes. And paraphrased quotes.
I think Dad would have said, "Distrust any enterprise that requires multiple trips to Home Depot, Party City, JoAnn Fabrics..."

I'm not the type who lives to entertain. (The last time my sister passed through the area I held a luncheon at the food court at the Lake Forest Oasis.) I know this party will be fun, but getting up the enthusiasm is a problem.

But...as I may have said before.... if we play our cards right we won't have to do any major cleaning for Thanksgiving. And I have a remodeled bathroom and newly tiled hallway and lots of other improvements to show for my mere acquiescence.

Student Backlash Brews Against Untimed Tests
Understandable. More and more kids are given ‘time’ accomodations. I am the mother of one of those kids. And I’m still not sure why she needs the extra time. I’d like a little extra time myself. For everything. Everything.

Six Days...
until the #&*!@ Pirate Party^(tm) I can’t believe I consented to this. And I think the pirate theme was my idea.

Shouldn’t complain too much. It is an incentive to get the house in shape. The van has been towed away. The upstairs bathroom remodeled. And Fran keeps finding more and more things to paint on the first floor. If we can just maintain, we won’t have much work to do before Thanksgiving.

This is usually the week that I spend getting the school stuff in final order. That has gone by the wayside...especially since a lot of our schoolwork is going to be picking up where we left off in spring. But I’m thinking of buying something like yellow police tape at the party store to keep partying pirates from touching the school stuff. Fran said that would be offensive to her friends. But what about my friends? What if they have a few beers (or von HuBombs - remind me to post the recipe for those) and decide to play with Tiny Tim the skeleton or the giant inflatable mummy? Or leave a message on the dry erase board? (This is probably a good time to hide the Sharpie markers...)

"It is incredibly difficult to kill maggots," begins one, before ticking off a long list of things that don't work: bleach, bug spray, salt, hydrochloric acid, dropping them in a bucket of water ... "Let them progress through their life cycle," it concludes. "Flies are easier to get rid of." "

Today’s Trib profiles my county’s blogging coroner. Makes “blogging mom/church secretary” look pretty tame.
Interesting blog which I’ve bookmarked. Don’t think I’d want him to blogroll me, though. Just superstitious…don’t want the coroner to know I exist. As if that would make a difference.

If you are buried from my church, I am the person who will put your name in the death register. Please don’t avoid me at parties because of this. There is only one name that I know I won’t enter. Mine. (I would if I could…call me a control freak. Would it be possible to enter myself and leave the dates open? Bad practice. And certainly lacking in humility.)

Coming in October!
We like the "Dangerous" book, so I think the "Daring" book should be good too.
I'm a girl...hint, hint.

You Are 86% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

And I thought it was just the weather causing my headache.

Carnival of Homeschooling
Magically nutritious!

Sr. Mary Martha on offering up our suffering…
A simply profound explication. (Profoundly simple, too.)
I just don't see how one can drop the 8 oz. can of Del Monte tomatoes on one's bare toes, take the Lord's name in vain, feel self pity and put upon, and then later offer that up. Offer what up?

To which I would add #8. Meditate on the fact that Jesus never had canned tomatoes. But if he did, he wouldn’t have complained if that were the vegetable du jour.

Hey Fran...
Take a look at this! I was doing a little on-line shopping.
Thought of you when I saw this.
Don't worry - you won't be getting it for Christmas. It's a bit pricey.
(If it were under $15, you'd be getting a big plastic lymph node in your stocking.)

re: gauzy green hideaway
Just last week I was lamenting to my spiritual director about how I am perpetually at a loss for privacy, solitude, a little piece of quiet etc. So...I'm thinking maybe the gauzy green hideaway should be declared "Mom's Special Thinking Place." Like, if I'm in the hideaway, leave me alone. I could try. Although I don't know what message would be conveyed by lime green tulle that isn't implied by the image of a woman in a dark room, facing the wall, eyes closed and clutching a rosary.

In the Magical Hills north of Chicago an Eccentric Mother describes her little Corner of Purgatory…
You mean there is more than one of us?

via Korrektiv. Yes, children mummy is blogging at work today. Because it ameliorates the pain of going to work on a rainy day when I would rather be sleeping. I’m working with sufficient diligence. I’ve already managed to knock the earring out of my left ear while answering the phone.

My magical canopy...
...crowned with a bountiful garland of flowers and ribbons.

Suspend the airy seven-foot-tall hideaway from a tree limb to create a lovely garden setting for picnics, tea parties and make-believe with fairies and friends.

Indoors, drape it over a twin-size bed to create a canopy that's sure to bring beautiful dreams. The gauzy green hideaway is easy to set up and take down, and spacious enough inside for several children to play together.

It’s a A Midsummer’s Night Dream come true. A prohibitively costly fantasy...as good as free at the rummage shop. Now to convince Mr. v that he wants to slumber with faeries and friends, while keeping the dogs from becoming entangled in it. It makes me feel like Titania. And a little like Bottom.

A Promise or a Threat?
I found this 1077 piece three-D puzzle (“like new”) at the rummage shop yesterday.

It wasn’t what I was lookiing for. But I thought it would be a good $2 investment against the day, when, despite a house full of computers, books, games, toys, DVDs, sports equipment, CDs and live animals, someone has the audacity to say, “I’m bored.”

The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
Supposedly one should not feed one's roses after today.
If you feed your roses.
If you know where your roses are. If they're still alive.

Why?
An 8-foot-tall Lego sculpture sits on a beach Tuesday in Zandvoort, Netherlands. Owners of a beachpub discovered the toy this morning.

But what does NO REAL THAN YOU ARE mean?

Hello Thai Kitty of Shame
Thai police officers who break rules will be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring "Hello Kitty," the Japanese icon of cute, as a mark of shame, a senior officer said Monday.

“The Expectation Model”

A Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel article on a suburban parish’s plan to increase Mass attendance among its school families. Seventy percent attendance isn’t asking too much is it? And if the responsibility for the faith formation of their children doesn’t weigh heavily enough on the parents, the prospect of paying full tuition will.

I think the reason we're not receiving calls is it would be somewhat difficult for someone to say how unfair it is that I have to go to church.
- Beth Boyer-Ryan, president of the St. Jerome Parish School Board

Amy Welborn makes a clean break...
and moves to an all new blog.

My week in Cinema
I finally found time to watch the A Prairie Home Companion, which I borrowed from Martha about a month ago. It was as good as I had been led to believe. Good, but...

Meryl and Lily didn’t sound like they grew up in Oshkosh. There is a discernible difference between the English as she is spoken in Oshkosh and a few hundred miles to the west in Minnesota. They sounded like they had honed their accents through repeated viewings of Drop Dead Gorgeous and Fargo. Not that repeated viewings of Drop Dead Gorgeous are an unusual concept...(Oh, Yeah, Frida, sure. She was the oldest living Lutheran. Now she's dead as a doornail...) After repeated viewings, I am sure that the “Airport HoJo’s” where the state pageant took place was really the Radisson where we spent our honeymoon. Ya. Sure. You betcha.

If I were the extremely cranky sort I would submit to the imdb a factual error, i.e. people do not turn into angels when they die. I was good with the Dangerous Woman as an angel...up until she revealed how she had once been a living listener of the show. And after death, wouldn’t the penguin joke have made sense to her? She’s working for God, she helps people when the time of transitus comes, yet she still hasn’t absorbed the penguin joke? Just doesn’t make sense. And people don’t become angels.

I have difficulties with willful suspension of disbelief. I know that this suspension is possible. I like musicals, a genre which hinges upon the audiences yielding of their disbelief. And my favorite musical is Brigadoon, which is a serious stretch within its own genre. Did I walk out of The Simpsons Movie last week protesting the likelihood of that plot? No, not at all. Not even for a movie based on a TV show that has jumped the shark so many times that it is living on top of the shark or perhaps has just killed the shark altogether.

Why did I let the ‘angel’ in the white trenchcoat bother me so? The devil is in the details. Which details varies by the viewer. Some people are caught up in continuity errors and have their entertainments ruined by buttons that open and close and shadows and clouds out of place. The Dangerous Lady’s white trenchcoat could have been buttoned differently in every shot and I may not have noticed it, but the angel business was as glaring as the lightbulb in the gaslight in Gone With the Wind.

More details:
...In June, my parish hosted an evening with Fr. Alfred McBride. On top of a thoroughly delightful and edifying lecture, I was tickled to hear Fr. McBride (who now resides near Green Bay) make mention of a “bubbler.” Did I need any more proof that this man had just driven in from eastern Wisconsin? (yes, he was born in Philadelphia and there are pockets of New England which also use this quaint and onomatopoeic term for drinking fountain but I would like to think that he learned it it in Wisconsin.) It was as if he had spoken directly to me in some long forgotten dialect.

...My sister has a ‘new’ black cat named Guy Noir.

...My sister once saw Garrison Keilor in the supermarket. And he looked just like he does on TV.

...BookTV on C-Span carried an address Garrison Keilor gave to the ALA this June. Enchanting. Until my TV went kerflooy. It just won’t stay on any channels between 65 and 95, drifting into ‘picture noise’ and shrill sound that gives me goosebumps. EWTN is 96 and thereby spared. I think this could be a message.

Some diversions for the doggie day-care set!

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

Your Celebrity Sisters Are Mary-Kate and Ashley

Funky, eccentric, and offbeat You're not a good girl or a bad girl, just a weird girl

Who Are Your Celebrity Sisters?

You Are 13% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you. You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!

Are You A Fake Girl?

No one...
will want to read this blog if the best topic I can post on any given week-end is "another nerve jangling trip to Wal-Mart. I know I should be grateful that I have the energy, transportation, some money and a Wal-Mart Super Center five minutes away. I also possess the necessary moral flexibility the allows me to waltz through Wal-Mart without feeling too guilty about being an active cooperator with a corporation that has a fair share of disturbing corporate practices. I won't even pretend that the sweating, dizziness and nausea are caused by a guilty conscience.

My jangled nerves. My raw, jangled nerves. To hint at my chagrin? Let's say 300 isn't just the name of the DVD that the boys purchased.

The Pick Up Artist
Eight lonely, socially inept men travel to Austin, Texas, to receive guidance and training from the world's greatest pick-up artist...

I don’t want my boys to watch this. But I wish it had been available to girls about thirty years ago. You know, forewarned etc.

In all fairness, Mr. “Mystery” has that certain something. He must have a gift if he can appear in that moronic fuzzy hat without being laughed out of town.

Keep your Frans close...
and your Emilys closer.
Aren't they cute?
Those were the days...when Mom's fashion sense ruled.
aka 1982.

All things are vanity...
And the lector stops at the Jewel for calamine to soothe the poison ivy afflicted (an ostensible corporal work of mercy)...and ends up pawing through the $.99 clearnance lipstick bin. There may be progress. She realizes that a $.99 tube of Maybelline Cherry-Chocolate lip gloss is of no lasting value. And remembers to bring home the calamine.

We receive the same lector’s letter/pep talk every six months. “We don’s just read the Good News...we proclaim it!” A bit of a stretch. I just strive to read it right. It’s a good thing we aren’t measured by some equation of profundity of passage read divided by minutes taken to act in complete opposition.