Our life has not been like the Whites'. Except that I have felt a certain empathy with the family's laboring under the consequences of the father's business decisions. Our problems are not nearly as exciting nor sinister. And I'll admit that I there have been times I was watching the show and thought having to work with a 50 gallon barrel of cash wouldn't be the worst of burdens....I would make it work. What the heck, I could leave a quarter of the barrel at the dentist's office. So far I have not had to deal with such temptations to corruption.
Here is where I found some catharsis. Walter White's constant assertion that what he did was for the good of the family was something that I bought at the beginning. Not that what he did was right but he was desperate. At the beginning he was desperate and latching on to a stupid idea. But things spun way out of control and still he went on claiming it was for the family. Walt sees Skyler for a last time and says, "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really -- I was alive." That pushed me close to tears. Having heard for years that everything my husband did was motivated by concern for the family, that is a line I would like to hear. For clarification, my husband is not a criminal mastermind - no sort of criminal - and all he cooks is dinner and all I launder is clothing. But things may have been better if he had made some choices that were less creative, less self-fulfilling.
We soldier on. Faithful. Sometimes bitter. Sometimes happy. No barrels of money, but treasure in heaven. And I face the day a little lighter having had a bit of video catharsis...feeling just a little baby blue.
No comments:
Post a Comment