Monday, September 30, 2013

My Baby Blue

No real spoilers to alert you to.  I'll just say that Vince Gilligan said that some people wouldn't like the way Breaking Bad ends.  (so true....could any author, auteur, or writer of musical comedy not say that?)  I liked the ending.  Except for the part that it was the end and endings of books, TV series, and the like always leave me with a bit of empty and lost feeling.

Our life has not been like the Whites'.  Except that I have felt a certain empathy with the family's laboring under the consequences of the father's business decisions.  Our problems are not nearly as exciting nor sinister.  And I'll admit that I there have been times I was watching the show and thought having to work with a 50 gallon barrel of cash wouldn't be the worst of burdens....I would make it work. What the heck, I could leave a quarter of the barrel at the dentist's office.  So far I have not had to deal with such temptations to corruption.

Here is where I found some catharsis.  Walter White's constant assertion that what he did was for the good of the family was something that I bought at the beginning.  Not that what he did was right but he was desperate. At the beginning he was desperate and latching on to a stupid idea.  But things spun way out of control and still he went on claiming it was for the family.  Walt sees Skyler for a last time and says, "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really -- I was alive."   That pushed me close to tears.  Having heard for years that everything my husband did was motivated by concern for the family, that is a line I would like to hear.  For clarification, my husband is not a criminal mastermind - no sort of criminal - and all he cooks is dinner and all I launder is clothing.  But things may have been better if he had made some choices that were less creative, less self-fulfilling.

We soldier on.  Faithful.  Sometimes bitter.  Sometimes happy.  No barrels of money, but treasure in heaven.  And I face the day a little lighter having had a bit of video catharsis...feeling just a little baby blue. 

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