Harold and Kumar Go to the USCCB Office of Film and Broadcasting
Sounds absurd doesn’t it?
And the more I play with the title, the absurd part is not so much the existence of the archetypes of “Harold and Kumar,” but the fact that the US Conference of Catholic Bishops needs to have an Office of Film and Broadcasting.

Descended from the old Legion of Decency, an organization which had its mission on display in its name, the USCCB OFB is a bland melange of aims. On the one hand, they say that their aim is to give the public a Catholic evaluation of entertainment. On the other, they hope to give simple guidance to those choosing a movie to view, including a distilled “viewer’s awareness line”, in an oddly Puritanical way. In other words, they will count the F-bombs for you.

So I’m a little unclear on the concept. As a fairly well catechized Catholic I already know exactly why (based only on trailers) a film, let’s say one of the Harold and Kumar oeuvre, would fall far outside of the definition of edifying. To quote from the OFB review: ”To make a dumb story short, the, er, plot can be boiled down to a baby-burger-sized synopsis: Two toked-up stoners drive around New Jersey in search of fast-food nirvana.” The US Bishops are paying some dude to tell us what we’ve already discerned from the trailers?

It would almost be better if there were a Legion of Decency that flat-out told us we must not see this movie. Instead, the Bishops have someone on their staff who went to see the movie and counted the scat-gags, naughty words (OK, in this case I think he lost count) and ‘drug references.” And who is this someone, anyway?

A search of the internet reveals what the OFB website does not. The reviewer is one Harry Forbes, plus his assistant John Mulderig. Most of the information I could dredge up was from various discussions of the flap concerning the OFB ‘endorsement’ of The Golden Compass. I won’t even get into the Golden Compass flap. Enough has been written about that snafu; an instance in which there was a realm of content that couldn’t be quantified by someone with a checklist of ‘bad words’ and ‘drug references.’ This having been one time parents could have used a heads-up about the ‘faith related’ value of a film and were left in the lurch.

Perhaps the USCCB should get out of the movie review business. I’m not really saying that I want to see Mr.’s Forbes and Mulderig standing on line at the unemployment office. Could their talents be put to better use?

There is an abundant sufficiency of media resources and the USCCB Film Office is just not one of the places I would look for guidance. Well catechized Catholics with even limited access to other avenues of information don’t need their help and why would the poorly catechized even care. And as the OFB website itself says: “Thoughtful adults are the best judges of their own tastes and values.” Of course, they then go on to give a complicated alphanumeric assessment formula that taxes my limited mathematical skills. The old Legion of Decency A, B and C for condemned was easier to interpret and had a degree of resolve that the new rating system tries rather desperately to avoid.

I have taken under advisement the endorsement of a priest, who is, in fact, now a Bishop, for The Polar Express. Even that was solicited more from his wisdom as a train afficianado than as my spiritual shepherd.
Perhaps it would be best if the USCCB, in regards to movies, spoke less.
Obviously they have Harry Forbes to spare the Bishops the ordeal of having to winnow through the banal fare that is out there. But...if a movie isn’t worthy to have someone like Cardinal George, if he would have the time, see it, why are the Bishops even bothering to give them a cursory look by way of an underling.

Most cinematic fare is on the ‘pulp’ level of other entertainment. Like ‘beach reads’ and reality television. The USCCB doesn’t review those and it might be best if they banished full length film to the same category. When they do speak they should have something important to say. Something that will make us stop and take note.

For the time being, I, Mrs. Average Catholic Mom don’t need my
local ordinary’s opinion on whether or not to watch Harold and Kumar.