X-ing Away my Life
When I was quite young my father saw that I was crossing off the days of December. He mentioned that it was a rather sorry way to live one’s life - X-ing out each day in anticipation of reaching a certain goal. I’m not sure exactly how he said it, but it was enough to keep from marking days off my calendar for the rest of my life. Not for graduation. Not for my wedding. Not while awaiting the babies’ arrivals. Not ever. Until now.

I find myself thinking of my father a lot while I mentally X-out the days of December. Things are going quite swimmingly for me, but I am terribly strapped for time and am actually looking forward to January. An opportunity arose for me to take on more work at the rectory (which is the ‘job’ that I most love) but I tendered my resignation at the primary school with the promise that I would stay on until Christmas vacation. In the long run this will be quite good. Eddie misses me more during the day than when I am away in the evening and the past few months of my working mornings has taken a toll on his maturation. (My husband would dispute this and say that I have working mother’s guilt. Maybe I do, but I think I see a regression. Even though Dad is here with them in the mornings and they really never are neglected, I feel that I am neglecting the boys. I find moments, especially in the lunchroom at school, when I am so reminded of them that I could cry....not an easy feat for someone not particularly lachrymose.)

So......yesterday was the beginning of three weeks of my working mornings, 4 evenings a week plus all day on Saturday. Plus a few hours a week as a companion to a friend’s mother.

One day down....13 to go.
And last night I found out that the other rectory ‘girl’ had a death in the family and I am needed to fill in on Thursday night and Sunday morning. Not that I am really complaining. Heaven knows we could use the extra money, what with my sister’s wedding on the 20th, Christmas, Martha’s new glasses, etc. etc. etc. But I find myself approaching each day as a mission to be accomplished on X-ed off the calendar. Which is a rather sorry way to live one’s life.