Monday, September 15, 2003

Our conversation on the way home from Mass yesterday should have been about the great homily we had heard. But I digressed by posing the question, “Is there some sort of neurological problem that makes it physically impossible for some people to shut up?”

There are two women who come to the noon Mass, sit together and yack, giggle and (gag me) drink bottled water. They are old enough to know better (late 20’s/early 30’s) and young enough not to be suffering from some sort of dementia that would cause them to act inappropriately. We managed to avoid sitting near them for a few weeks. But yesterday they were two pews behind us. They reached their vulgar peak during Communion making it impossible for me to pray when I had returned to my place. I can usually close my eyes and ignore the normal distractions that go on. This was too, too much. And the irritation of the other people in the area was palpable. So I turned around - no easy thing to do while trying to stay on the kneeler - and fixed them with the sternest look possible. I made eye contact with one of the gals. Still it continued. So I turned again. This time it was a the meanest dirty look I could muster.
No effect. If we were at Showplace 8 watching a movie, I would have made the most succinct and scathing comment possible. (I have done this. In the absence of movie theater ushers, I will turn around and tell trouble makers to knock it off)

This was Church, not a show house. So I didn’t not think saying something to people two rows behind us would have been: a)helpful b)reverent c) efficacious d)all of the above.

The question I pose.....where were the ushers? We were very close to the back of the church. Shouldn’t they have noticed the scene that was playing out? Are there times that ushers should be shushers? If I hadn’t been trapped mid-pew, should I have slipped out and gone to beg the ushers help? Or in the absence of a DOTS box to toss at them, should I have folded a bulletin into an efficient airplane and airmailed my complaints to the offenders?

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