From the Onion....
The young fellow who lives in the other half of our duplex plays the tuba. Or some sort of loud brass instrument. His bedroom is on the other side of the wall from my room. Putting academics first, the tuba is his last task of the day...........meaning I have ended many a day being serenaded by Danny Boy at 10:30pm. Why don’t I complain? Those folks have shown plenty of forebearance with our quirks. So this article rang a bell.......

After 10 Months Of Bitter Struggle,
Downstairs Neighbor Masters 'Jumpin' Jack Flash'
GAINESVILLE, FL—After 10 months of bitter, around-the-clock struggle, pizza-delivery driver and aspiring guitarist Darren Lowell, 23, has finally mastered The Rolling Stones' "Jumpin' Jack Flash," his upstairs neighbor reported Tuesday. "I'm glad he finally nailed it," neighbor Jeremy Quinlan said. "From what I could hear through my living-room floor these past 10 months, he was really locked in an epic battle with that elusive 'dunh-dunh, da-da-da da-da-da da-da-da' riff. It was truly like Ahab and the whale." Next week, Lowell is slated to embark on his next ambitious project, Van Halen's "Eruption," which is scheduled for completion in the spring of 2004.