Mail Call
Tons of fun from the LF High School School-Home Memo:

.........MEDICATIONS REGULATIONS.
3. The parent or guardian will be responsible for bringing and removing all prescription and non-prescription medication in its original labeled pharmacy container. Oh, s**t, I finally remembered to have Martha’s physician fill out the form that said it was all right for her to have my permission to take acetaminophen or ibuprophen as needed for headache. But I guess I’ve neglected to purchase a special school size bottle, drive to school, find a place to park among the upscale cars of the student body, and walk the bottle of ibuprophen into the nurse’s office. It would be so much easier to not care at all and tell Martha to go smoke dope up on the bike path with the miscreants the next time she feels a headache coming on. Those kids don’t expect a note from your mother......

CONSUMER EDUCATION PROFICIENCY TEST: For those students who elect not to enroll in a course which meets the consumer education requirement, the State of Illinois has a proficiency exam. Those students in grades 9-12 who are not currently enrolled in a consumer education course and who did not take this exam in October, 2002 may sign up for this test which we will offer in January, 2003. Is this consumer ed stuff something I should plan on for Chuck for next year? Do you think the high school would give me a copy of the test so I can know what the State of Illinois considers consumer proficiency? The kid gets to follow me to Wal-Mart, help me with the grocery shopping and has a very nice Ralph Lauren/GAP/etc. wardrobe purchased for a total of less than $15 from the Presbyterian Rummage. He could probably be teaching consumer proficiency.

PARENT AWARENESS CLASS: Growing Up on the North Shore: Helping Kids Navigate the Pressures How about, watch some John Hughes’ movies, watch the kids hanging out at the LF Burger King and then decide to homeschool?

And speaking of pressures, Chuck will be quite pleased that I don’t have the $160, plus $25 material fee, to sign him up for THE CIRCUS WORKSHOP; A chance for kids to learn clowning, rolla bolla, acrobatics, balancing ball and stilt walking and juggling. These circus skills will build coordination, creativity, and self-esteem in a fun and safe environment. At the end of each workshop participants present a CircEsteem Circus for their peers and parents. The CircEsteem program is a chance for kids to amaze themselves and others, through the wonder of circus........and the empowerment of believing “I CAN.” CircEsteem is currently taught at the Francis W. Parker School, Lycee Francais de Chicago, North Shore Country Day School, UC Lab School, The Latin School of Chicago and other area schools. I was a happy well-adjusted child from a happy family. If my parents had enrolled me in a CircEsteem workshop, I would have had to run away. Not everybody wants to join the circus. That is a class that Chuck might not ever recover from. As for the clowning, balancing, and juggling, I think we have enough of that in our own curriculum as it is. Though the stilt walking sounds fun.......but, what, pray tell, is rolla bolla? I am so deprived.

AND SAVING THE SCARIEST FOR LAST........
Dear Parent/Guardian:
In accordance with the provision of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001, Lake Forest High School will release student directory informtion, consisting of student names, addresses and phone numbers, to military recruiters and institutions of higher education upon their request. Information received by official recruiting representatives whall be used only for the purpose of providing information to students about career and educational opportunities available.

Under the provisions of this act, however, parents/guardians may request that their child’s directory information not be released......
The form is pretty cut and dried. I wouldn’t mind the Marines recruiting Martha, but I can’t specifiy branch of armed forces........or which institutions of higher education. Can I request a Marine in ‘dress blues’ to come to my home to talk to all of us?

And what the heck does this have to do with the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT? If we’re really talking children, what does the military want with them? And will these recruiters come to my home to recruit the boys?