Jackie, Don’t Spit at the Conductor
I read an interesting report on a Danish study of the dangers of too much scolding in childhood. The expert was quoted , “"Parents who want to keep a close relation with their children should not scold too much, or they will soon be alone. It's silly because we are pushing away what is dearest to us."
Do you suppose the young fellows in Milwaukee who beat a man to death were scolded too much or not enough? I certainly don’t approve of berating children, especially in situations where they need simple correction. But I think our society is suffering from more of a dearth of parental correction rather than too much. (with the exception of the parents that I always am behind at Wal-Mart while they yell at Junior that he’s gonna get a whuppin’. ) On the other hand, my sister the public defender tells me that very few of her clients were never spanked or verbally abused. So there must be a middle ground.
I was yelled at a few times when I was a child and it was more than appropriate. For instance, the time I decided to memorialize the years spent in my childhood bedroom before moving to a new home at the age of ten. So I proceeded to carve my initials into the window sill. Somewhere between l’s my father found me at work and he scolded. Tirade was more like it. But I deserved it. (And obviously, it was not so common as to be unmemorable)
My family has a phrase that we invoke when discussing lack of adequate parental correction. (aka wimpy parenting...) “Jackie, don’t spit at the conductor.” That was what my father would hear his aunt say to his cousin while on the streetcar. No pinch of the arm, no strong reprimand, just a lilting sing-song “Jackie, don’t spit at the conductor.” I wonder what ever became of Jackie........